at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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