my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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