i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
