he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize