I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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