Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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