Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Randomize
