I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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