Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
