party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
