They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
