You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
