we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
