I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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