We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm always down for nudity.
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