cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
