I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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