so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
