i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
