I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
