WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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