you guys were way drunker than both of me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
