you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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