I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
