So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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