At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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