at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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