Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
