i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
