How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
