My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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