I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
