You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
