420 ftw
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
