you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
