and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
