Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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