have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
