What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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