I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we're so committed to being not committed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
