when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
