I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
