Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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