i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
