I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize