He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
