I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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