Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
