I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
