you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
