Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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