We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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