I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
