I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
