i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
