On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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