im drinking this country out of the recession.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
