feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
