This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
