O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
