Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
