tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
