Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
