I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
