Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
