think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
