Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
someone owes me an orgasm
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
