Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
