My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
