Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
