toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
