Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
