i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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