paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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