it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
