FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
