The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
