I hate your face
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
