using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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