someone threw a dead crab at me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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