I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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