So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
