If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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