Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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