I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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