I think i peed on brittanys purse
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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