Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Girls should come with a carfax report
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
