still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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