This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
