Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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