i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
