Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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