wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
