More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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