For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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