no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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